Welcome To Motherhood

Where do I begin... I just turned 30 this year and as far back as I can remember my biggest fear in life was not being able to have children. I don't know why, but as a child I can actually remember telling my Mother that that was my biggest fear. Fast forward 28 years later and God saw fit to bless me with my first child, my Son. He is my greatest accomplishment and now my greatest fear. "What if I screw it all up?!?" Welcome to Motherhood!

I cannot speak for anyone else, but for me, personally as much as I hate to admit it, I was a judger. I was the type of person who would look at how other Mother's were raising their children and I would say things like, "I would never do that with my child", "Why wouldn't they just try this, or that instead?", "Maybe if you didn't do this or that, then your child wouldn't be this way" Let me just say that Crow is not a delicacy in this country and I don't care for it much. Motherhood is one of the most humbling experiences you will ever have. Period. If you think you know, ha! You have no idea! One of the many lessons I have learned is that we are all doing the best we can with what we are given. Enough Said.

On that note, I want to get real.

In December of 2011 my life changed forever. Like most new mother's, I was completely enamored with my little bundle of joy, he was perfect. I was running on pure excitement and adrenaline. A word of caution for mother's to be, don't plan on getting any sleep. No really, Ever. Kidding! (well only a little). From the hospital, between the baby crying and the nurses waking you up every 5 minutes (seemingly as soon as you finally drift off) to check both you and baby (a separate visit for both) and visitors, don't plan on sleeping then. To your arrival at home with your new baby who has never seen anything but your sweet, soothing, comfy womb, don't plan on getting any sleep then either. From the time they are born, until you die, sleep will never be the same. So ladies thinking about having babies, relish this time. Sleep is a good friend that is dearly missed most days.The good news is, it does get better. That, or you just get better at not sleeping. I can't tell anymore. At some point, eventually, it gets better :)

At this point, everything is still new, adrenaline is still potently high and you probably feel like Superwoman. You arrive home, and maybe your lucky enough to have a little help. Perhaps your mother or mother in law is in town and they offer to lend you a hand for the first couple weeks until you adjust. Only problem is, these first couple weeks are likely the easiest weeks you will ever have with your child. They sleep and eat all day, seriously you could do this job with your eyes closed (or at least your adrenaline tells you so) Getting up at night doesn't seem so bad. (now) Then your "help" has to go and you settle in with your seemingly "perfect baby", you got this... Then BAM! Week 3 hits and Shit.Gets.Real!

Guess what, that adrenaline rush, probably just wore off and now your running on fumes. Your hormonal, sleep deprived and feel like you might crack at any second. Your "perfect" baby suddenly isn't sleeping and you feel like your doing everything wrong. Not to mention this is all new to your significant other too, who is feeling much of the same things you are (aside from the hormones) but on top of that, they are trying to figure out how to handle not just the new baby, but the new you. Everything is changing and this is just the tip of the iceberg. You are not just a new mother, but a new wife, new lover and new friend. Somehow you have to figure out how to be you again, the new you, the new normal.

My ambition with starting this blog is to give a voice to what I feel all to often goes left unsaid. I want to shed light on some topics I feel that we as Mother's just don't "talk about". I feel like it is time to talk about it. Its time to make more people aware that we all go through it and you are not alone. With that said, I promise to do my best to be completely honest about my personal experiences with both the bright and dark sides of becoming a parent and a Stay at home Mom.